Thick as Thieves
by Niphrehdil
Summary: SPOILER warning for first two episodes of season 4. Merlin is fighting for his life, and Arthur watches over him.
1. Chapter 1

Hey!

So, those of you who don't want to be spoiled in any way about the first two episodes of season 4, don't read any forward.

But those who got interested, this is my speculative take on a scene that will be in the two-parter opening episodes of season 4. No major big spoiler, but quite an interesting one.

Here's the thing: Merlin has lost his powers. There was a fan who saw this being filmed and reported it in her LJ. Their conversation (what they filmed with Colin and Santiago) goes like this:

**Lancelot:** You shouldn't be here, Merlin. You have no powers.

**Merlin:** (_walking nearby, gathering firewood_) It doesn't matter.

**Lancelot:** You're not a warrior, Merlin. I don't want to see you die.

Okay, that's an interesting bit but there's more, a two scenes filmed later, this is taken straight from the report:

_"The scene was with Merlin and Lancelot (now in his knight's cloak!) riding partway through the woods, Merlin bent over in his saddle and looking in pain, and Lancelot offering him something (it seemed to be a drink)._ "

and later, another scene:

_"I think the point of the scene was that Merlin was using the last of his energy to tell Lancelot something, before (though they didn't do this bit) he apparently collapses to the floor, unconscious!_ " (From albiona on LJ )

Did _that_ make you intrigued for the episode? It surely made me! I started to think about the possible storyline and suddenly this popped in my head. It's a purely speculative take, and of course it has Arthur in it. We need this scene in the upcoming season, don't we? Or at least something close to it.

So, please tell me what you think about this. :) Feel free to review!

**Note:** I planned this to be a two-shot, and if there is enough interest for it, I will post the second chapter, too.

It's up to you.

Story: Thick as thieves

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

><p>-Merlin?" Arthur breathed out, his voice unsteady, as he entered the forest clearing.<p>

Blue smoke was filling the air, and the signs of a battle could be seen. Arthur had frozen to his place, eyes fixed on the form of Lancelot and Merlin.

Lancelot was kneeling beside Merlin, crouched near to his friend. Merlin lay on the muddy and dark ground, unnaturally still, his limbs looking like there weren't any strength left in them.

His dark hair was mixed to the mud and his face was pale. Lancelot's face showed unmasked worry and agony, he was holding Merlin's wrist carefully.

They didn't even notice the prince coming. Arthur stood there in place, fear starting to take a grip on his heart. Uncomfortable anxiousness settled in.

Merlin looked so fragile. Arthur just stared the scene in front of him, forgetting the rush to leave this forest. The knights had been here to search the powerful sorcerer who had attacked Camelot and then escaped. They had splitted up into pairs, Merlin and Lancelot had gone together.  
>They had been away for hours, and the sounds of a fight had alerted Arthur.<p>

His heart felt icy as he watched the sight before him.

Lancelot's face was twisted in worry and empathy, and his eyes glistened.

Arthur took a deep breath and finally was able to move. Suddenly it seemed to be harder to breathe, and he rushed forward.

Lancelot noticed his presence and looked up. The look in his eyes made a lump into Arthur's throat - it was fearful, sad, and helpless.

Arthur reached them and knelt down to Merlin's other side, his eyes landing on his servant.

Merlin was very pale and he had a few drops of cold sweat on his forehead. His blue eyes were open, but they were shadowed with pain. Merlin turned his glance slowly to Arthur, panting slightly. Arthur noted that Merlin struggled to breathe.

-What happened?" Arthur asked, voice hoarse. He scanned Merlin to find an injury what could be causing this. Beside a few bruises, there was nothing. Arthur looked up to Lancelot.

-What happened?" he repeated, more demanding. -What's wrong with him?"

Lancelot clearly struggled to catch his voice. He looked at Arthur, then to Merlin. There seemed to be an odd exchange between the knight and his servant, like a small hesitation. Merlin gasped for air and shared an odd glance with Lancelot.

Arthur's heart started to took pace. -Lanc_elot_. What. Happened?" he asked.

Lancelot swallowed and looked up to the prince. -He's...he's poisoned." he said, his voice unsteady.

It was a like smack to Arthur's face.

Poison.

His mind was instantly flooded with the memories of Merlin drinking the poisoned chalice...

Arthur looked back at Merlin, and felt like icy water would have just taken over his heart. Merlin was lying on the ground, strengthless, almost too still. Like it would be too painful to move, too painful to do anything. And yet, like all of his muscles would have been tensed in the same time.

Arthur tried to take in a breathe. He had to think clearly. Poison.. He blinked hard and took a deep breath.

-Then...we need an antidote." he stated.

Merlin closed his eyes briefly, odd despair flashing in his face.

Arthur felt how fear started to rise again. Something didn't seem right. Not at all. The prince turned to Lancelot.

The knight shifted his eyes between the prince and the servant. Arthur felt anger flashing towards the knight. Why didn't he do anything?

-Lancelot, we _need_ an antidote. What was the poison?" he asked, demanding.

Lancelot seemed desperate. - Sire..."

-Answer me!" Arthur said, frustration and anger mixing to his worry.

Lancelot swallowed. -The sorcerer has the antidote. He was the one who did this...But he escaped." The knights clutched his fingers around Merlin's wrist comfortingly.

Arthur shook his head. _No._ Despair stung him, but he didn't give into it. Merlin's weak moan drew their attention.

-H...he's..." he tried to whisper, clearly in horrible pain, -...s-still h...re." he managed to say and his face twisted in pain again.

Arthur looked at Merlin and felt hope filling him. -Well, then we have to find him." he said and was about to rise up. But Lancelot stopped him.

-No. I'll go, Sire. It's too dangerous for you." he said, and was clearly anxious, too.

Arthur's brows furrowed and he felt a bit insulted. -It's not too dangero...

-Please, Sire." Lancelot said, his brown eyes pleading. He was clearly upset. -Someone should be here with Merlin...Taking care of him."

Arthur's air flowed heavily, he was about to object. But Lancelot quickly shook his head and rose his hand to the air.

-There is no time to argue. I'll go. I promise I will do everything it takes to save him." the humble knight promised, breathing out heavily. His eyes glistened again. Arthur had to swallow and blink. He thought about it for a while - Lancelot was right. Arthur shot a worried glance over Merlin, and realized that the time was really running out. There wasn't any time to waste.

-Fine." the prince said. He looked at the knight sharply. -Go as fast as you can. I trust you, Lancelot. Do _not_ fail this task."

Lancelot nodded and then turned to Merlin. Again, a some odd exchange, knowing glances, were there between the two. In any other situation, Arthur would have wanted to observe the reason for it, but right now there was no time. Lancelot let out a faint smile and squeezed Merlin's wrist gently.

-Hang on there, my friend. I will come back soon." he said and Merlin tried to smile but failed, pain filling his face again. Lancelot stood up, looked at Arthur one more time, nodded, and then broke off to run. He quickly vanished to the forest.

Arthur let out a breath and watched as the knight disappeared into the night. Then, he inhaled the cilly air and looked back to Merlin. They were alone now. The silence seemed to be suffocating, only interrupted by Merlin's troubled gasps. Agony crippled the prince. The seriousness of the situation slowly started to dawn on him.

Merlin panted mutely, looking at the prince, his blue eyes once again clouded with pain.

-You had to get into trouble, didn't you?" Arthur said, trying to sound teasy, but his own voice sounded hollow.

Merlin tried to let out a small smile again, but it faded soon. Pain shone from his face. He was like in a fevered state, where he could barely move and yet he was slightly shaking. Arthur hated to see how unnatural his servant looked like this. Lying on the forest floor. Helpless and weak.

Arthur had almost forgot what this situation felt like, because he had been here just once before, during the incident with the poisoned chalice.

And back then, he had barely known Merlin at all.

Merlin wasn't _supposed_ to get hurt. He wasn't supposed to suffer any of the injuries that the battle claimed. Arthur had thought Merlin was extremely lucky to walk out of several battles and ambushes unharmed, and he had learnt to trust in that luck.

Merlin looked so fragile, like he would be glass.

Arthur felt so helpless to just sit here - he was used to action. He felt a burning urge to go after that sorcerer who had did this. He would have wanted to do_ something_. He wanted to feel like he was doing something effective, something that would fix this. But this waiting and watching Merlin suffer...

It ate him more than he could have imagined.

Arthur wanted to make Merlin better. He wanted to take the pain away, he just couldn't stand to watch it. But he couldn't move him, it would just quicken the poison's spreading. And he couldn't leave Merlin here, it would be out of question.

All he could do was to sit and watch over his servant, and hope Lancelot would get back in time. And the thought was disturbing.

-thur..." Merlin said weakly.

Arthur startled and looked down to his servant. -Yes, Merlin?" he said, trying to sound calm, even his heart ached for the sight of Merlin's blue eyes watching him.

-m...I'm s-sorry," Merlin said, voice slurred.

Arthur chuckled emptily, poignant guilt filling him. -You have no reason to be sorry for. This was my fault, I shouldn't have commanded the group to split up. The sorcerer was too powerful, you couldn't have fought him alone."

Merlin blinked and flinched for the pain.

-N-no. I'm so-sorry that...I liedto...lied to you..." Merlin said, voice barely audible.

Arthur's brows furrowed. He didn't understand a word. -You're not making any sense, Merlin. You shouldn't talk. Just...stay awake."

For a moment, only blue smoke of the twilight time lingered, and the haunting silence of the woods just highlighted the situation. No birds moved in the trees, the sky was starless.

It was just the eerie, quiet forest around them.

Merlin's face filled suddenly with emotions. He looked so vulnerable like that, the presence of pain mixing to it. Arthur had to swallow two times to maintain his calmness.

-No..." Merlin said, again panting for the pain, his whole body being unnaturally still...Like he wouldn't have any feeling in it.

-rthur..." he started again, clearly struggling to stand the pain. Arthur sighed heavily, biting his lip.

-Merlin, I'm serious, you shouldn't talk. Please just once, obey me and stay quiet. The poison will spread faster if you move or talk."

Merlin closed his eyes tightly, like about to burst in tears. -I'..m - I'm not p-poisoned." he said quietly.

Arthur blinked in surprise. -What?" he hissed. The prince blinked and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. If Merlin wasn't poisoned, and he wasn't wounded...Things made no sense.

-If you're not poisoned, then what's wrong?" the prince asked, crouching a bit closer.

Merlin opened his eyes again, slowly and locked his eyes with the prince. He whimpered and swallowed.

-Th-e...truth is that...when that sorcerer...attacked Camelot, he w...was after me." Merlin said slowly.

Arthur just stared Merlin. Why on Earth would he be after _you_?" he asked, incredulous. Normally he would have rolled his eyes and sounded teasy if the situation would have been different, but now he just couldn't. The worry was too overwhelming.

Merlin blinked several times. -He...he took m-my lifeforce."

Arthur's eyes widened and he had to look away as the words sank in. For a moment, he gathered himself. His anger just grew towards that filfhy sorcerer. How could a sorcerer want to steal someone's lifeforce? Well, he had magic, so it explained that, but...Why on Earth would a sorcerer want to steal _Merlin's _lifeforce?

-At f-first..." Merlin continued, and Arthur turned back to his servant, -...it didn't c-cause any trouble..." Merlin closed his eyes briefly before his eyes found the prince's again, -...but I g-got worse du-ring the hunt. Lanc...lot tho-ught that my lifeforce c-could be returned if w-we found the sorcerer i-in time, but..."

There was a silence. Arthur squeezed his fingers into a tight fist, emotions roaring inside of him.

-And why...why didn't you tell me?" Arthur asked, slightly hurt for the lack of trust.

Merlin looked guilty and miserable, and Arthur felt instantly worse for asking. Merlin drew another painful breath to answer, but Arthur shook his head.

-No, that's not important now. How can we get your lifeforce back?" he asked.

Merlin's eyes glistened. -Y-ou can't." he whispered, sounding serious. Arthur shook his head fiercely. -Yes we can. We just need to find him and..."

Merlin closed his eyes, and one tear escaped the corner of his eye. The blue light of the night made him look even paler. -N-no, Arth...r. I tr-ied. I'm...the only one w-ho can take it...back. I'm...the only one...powerful enough."

Arthur stared at Merlin, his own heart thundering in his ears. He tried to comprehend, but Merlin wasn't making any sense.

-Merlin, I don't understand. Powerful enough? What does that mean? Where did Lancelot go? What happened before I came here?" he asked, confused.

Merlin opened his eyes, and they were full of tears.

-A-rthur," he said, panting and clearly struggling with the pain, he locked his eyes with the prince's. Arthur felt how air flowed heavily, because he had never seen Merlin like this. So vulnerable, so hurt, so desperate. One more tear rolled down onto Merlin's cheek.

-I'm...d-dying." Merlin whispered.

Arthur's heart sank and his emotions rushed forward. -No. Stop. Don't say that. You're not going to die, Merlin..." He paused and felt his eyes burning. Merlin just looked sadly back at him.

-You won't die. I won't let you." Arthur stated, but his voice was trembling. The situation seemed desperate.

Merlin's eyes glistened and Arthur couldn't help but to feel his eyes burning even more than before.

_You can't die. You can't._

Arthur swallowed. -There has to be a way to get your lifeforce back from that sorcerer."

Merlin took a faltering breath and his eyes were clouded in pain.

-N-no. Ar-thur...I-I want you to li-listen to me...very closely..." he whispered, voice unsteady and slurred by the waves of pain.

Arthur nodded, and took a heavy breath. -I will listen," he said, because he didn't want Merlin to talk anymore than necessary.

Merlin took a long breath and swallowed. Tears started to run freely.

-B-before you c-came...We fought against...the sorcerer...I t-tried to take my lifeforce b-back, but...I c-couldn't. And...it took a-all my strength..." He paused and took another hollow breath.

-The rest...the rest of m-my lifeforce is fadi-ng fast. I can't live w-without it." he said quietly.

Arthur felt his eyes glisten and he shook his head once again. -No. Lancelot will find that sorcerer and bring your lifeforce back and..."

-No." Merlin said, and more tears rolled onto his cheeks. -Y-you don't understand..."

Merlin blinked and then looked back to the prince. -M-y lifeforce...is m-magic."

Arthur felt the air got stuck into his throat, as the shock hit him like a punch in the face. He blinked several times and just stared at Merlin. He couldn't comprehend...

Merlin...Magic...

That...that couldn't be possible...

Arthur just stared at Merlin, wide-eyed. -W-what?" he whispered.

Merlin sighed and shut his eyes tightly, tear pouring beneath his lids. -I'm so-sorry. S-should've told you. I w-was born with magic...But I've only used it for g-good."

Arthur just stared at Merlin, fury rushing forward. Chaotic emotions suddenly started a war inside of his head. He didn't know whether the blind rage, the feeling of betrayal, confusion, hurt or strangling worry was the most overwhelming.

Merlin gasped. -B-but...guess that...d-don't matter now. I-it's alright if you can't forgive me. I unders...stand." he said, whispering.

Arthur just stared at Merlin, and fought back the angry tears that burned his eyes.

-You're a sorcerer?" Arthur said, defeated.

Merlin looked pained. -I'm s-sorry that you had to f-found out this way." he whispered, eyes closed.

-That sorcerer...he took away...your magic?" Arthur asked emptily, his voice sounding odd and emotionless. The situation was insane.

This couldn't be real.

Merlin opened his bleary eyes and looked fragile. -Yes." he whispered. He blinked and continued: -It...it's a part of me...Like a soul. I will d-die without it." he added. Mute tears poured from Merlin's eyes.

Arthur was frozen. His mind had just been sent to chaos. Magic. Merlin had just said he had magic.

Merlin was...was a sorcerer. And...he wasn't poisoned. He was dying, because another sorcerer had stolen his magic.

Merlin was dying because of it. Arthur just stared Merlin, unable to comprehend anything. Merlin looked so familiar. He looked so..._Merlin_, not evil at all. Nothing made sense.

Arthur's head was in chaos, but there was only clear thought in his head:

Merlin couldn't die.

It was a stubborn thought that stood out from the mess of all others.

Magic or not? That was what he asked from himself. Did it matter?

Right now, did it matter?

His mind told him that if Merlin was a sorcerer, he was evil and he should die. But his heart was almost crushed by the sight of Merlin suffering from that kind of pain, weakening every minute. His heart told him that right now, the priority was to keep Merlin alive.

Arthur didn't know what to do. Or what to say. What was there to say?

But he couldn't just...abandon Merlin. He had known him for years, spent every day with him...Even if he was a sorcerer.

He could make it easier to everyone if he just left. He could leave Merlin to die, and he wouldn't need to make the decision later on. He wouldn't need to think about the fact he should turn Merlin in. But in its simplicity, it just wasn't an option: he wasn't able to leave.

In a short moment, Arthur realized it: he cared about Merlin much more than he had ever admitted to himself.

And he couldn't let him die. Not now. Not here, in this stupid forest on this stupid hunt. He could think through everything else later, but Merlin just couldn't die _now_. Arthur wouldn't let him. Because it would be inevitable soon, and he had to stop it.

Merlin was hanging on, fighting back. But he was also weakening.

-Is...is there anyway the magic can be returned?" Arthur said, voice slightly shaking. The words tasted odd in his mouth and he had to concentrate.

Merlin's eyes opened, and the hope in them was so heart-breaking and pure that Arthur had to blink several times to stop the tears forming.

-You...you'd do that f-for me?" Merlin whispered, clearly moved.

Arthur sighed. -I...I don't know...I don't know anything. Just - I can't deal with this right now. Just tell me how can I return it. If I want to be angry with you, I need you to stay alive. "

Merlin's face turned into a sincere smile, even if it was soon faded by the pain.

-Th-thank you, Arth...hur...But..." Merlin looked stricken with despair: -...there isn't a way to return it."

Arthur felt a wave of frustration and panic. -Why not?" But then he remembered what Merlin had said earlier about being powerful enough, and then things clicked.

-So it would need magic to do it?" Arthur said, through gritted teeth, because the word still made him furious and hurt.

Merlin made a faint nod and closed his eyes, his face twisting in pain.

Arthur felt worry wave again. Where the hell was Lancelot?

-Where did Lancelot go, then? Did he go after the sorcerer?" he asked, more from himself than Merlin. He shot a worried glance to the direction the knight had gone to.

But Merlin didn't answer. Arthur looked back to him. Merlin's eyelids were closed, and he writhed faintly, small lonely tears escaping.

-Merlin?" Arthur asked, voice weary and alert.

Merlin took a faltering breath and his eyelids fluttered, but they didn't open.

-Merlin?" Arthur asked now, voice pitched. He crouched lower.

Merlin had gone too still. His writhes had faded, and he didn't open his eyes.

-Merlin!" Arthur shouted now, desperation starting to crawl into him. He took a grip from Merlin's arm.

But Merlin stayed quiet and still, his tears had stopped and he didn't respond to Arthur's touch. The prince shook his arm.

One tear broke free from Arthur. -Answer me." he whispered, voice squeaky.

But Merlin stayed still. Arthur was about to call his name again, when a sudden bolt of white light bursted into colour somewhere in the right, somewhere further away in the forest, in the direction Lancelot had gone into.

Arthur could feel raw transparent energy radiating from the source of the light, hitting him and punching the air out of him, going through the forest like a pressure wave. And then, suddenly, Merlin gasped for air, and his eyes snapped open. Arthur felt already how a rush of relief went through him, but then a flash of gold filled Merlin's eyes.

For a moment, the prince stared the golden colour of magic in Merlin's eyes, but then, it faded quickly in a second and Merlin's eyelids slid closed.

-Merlin!"

The white light disappeared from the air of the forest, shrank away and the blue colour of the night took its place.

And then, it was completely quiet.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey again!

So I decided to post the chapter two, and here it is.

It's unlikely they will do the episode this way, but I hope they make it even a bit like this. Or something close to it maybe.:)

Some of you asked me the link to the report the spoilers were from, and I have posted it to the review board because the site won't let me copy a straight link here. So if you're interested, it should be there.

Anyway, here's the second chapter. Please let me know what you thought about it.:)

Story: Thick as thieves (Chapter two)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

><p>Lancelot's ears were ringing. He had to wince as he opened his eyes, still partly blinded by the overwhelming light that had just gone through the forest.<p>

The sorcerer laid on the forest floor. Lancelot had to swallow for the sight: the man had been burnt badly. It seemed that Lancelot had succeeded: he had caught up the fleeding sorcerer, fought him and barely, just barely, managed to thrust a sword through his heart.

Lancelot had never seen such a strange event: the man had let out a growl, and it seemed that he was burning from the inside. Lancelot had just enough time to back away from the dying sorcerer as the light carved itself out of the sorcerer's body and was released, exploding in stunning white colour.

Raw energy radiated and punched air out of Lancelot, going through the woods like an invisible wave. Then, it was completely quiet.

Lancelot had spent a little time in the ground, gasping for air and waiting for his eyes to adjust.

He had succeeded. The sorcerer was dead - and even if Lancelot had no idea what had happened, he just hoped from the bottom of his heart that he had managed to release Merlin's powers that he sorcerer had locked.

Worry washed over him as soon as he remembered why he had been here. The knight turned instantly his glance towards the spot he had left the prince and Merlin. As soon as he had jumped up to his feet, he was already running to the direction of his friends.

A lump of fear formed into his throat. Lancelot muttered a small wish into the chilly night air - he hoped he hadn't been too late.

* * *

><p>For a moment, Arthur was frozen, stunned. The light had just faded from the forest, and all that was left was the silent, starless night, with small curtains of blue fog around him.<p>

Arthur had to blink several times before his eyes started to adjust to the darkness, and he was still overwhelmed by the raw energy that had gone through him.

But right now, he didn't care. The prince brushed his eyes, hastily drying them.

Arthur bit his lip, trying to control his overflowing emotions. He wasn't used to this, feeling like his mind would have turned into a hurricane. And yet, he was frozen.

When he finally started to see again, his heart sank. Merlin was still in the exactly same position. He was pale and unmoving. Arthur swallowed his own growing panic, and tried to be reasonable. Gaius had taught him how to do this, after all.

So, the prince took Merlin's wrist to his own hand. It felt extremely weird as he wasn't used to touching people. And also, Merlin had magic. He was a sorcerer, a stranger, who had lied to him for years.

It seemed that it wasn't the same Merlin. Arthur felt like a wall had just formed between him and his servant. But Merlin looked so familiar, had sounded so familiar just few minutes ago...His eyes...They had been the same.

Even if they just had turned gold.

Arthur inhaled sharply. The memory haunted him. It had been like Merlin would've been stained by the mark of darkness, mark of being evil. But it didn't make sense.

Nothing made sense. Arthur closed his eyes briefly._ Stop. Think clearly. _

So he opened his eyes and pushed his fingers against Merlin's wrist. A slight, fleeding thought suddenly reminded him that the skin didn't feel any different than anyone else's. It was just like his own. It was odd to touch it, knowing that there were magic pulsing somewhere under it.

_If. If there was. Still...If he's still alive...  
><em>

Arthur forced to push his chaotic thoughts to the background and he concentrated. Anxiety was strangling him. For a moment, there was silent. Arthur glanced at Merlin's face, and air got stuck on his throat.

_Come on. Breathe you idiot. Now is not the time to die. _

A second passed, and the panic dwelling somewhere inside of him flared up.

_Don't you dare to die on me, Merlin..._

A beat.

_Thum._

Arthur's eyes flickered back to the wrist he was holding. Had he just imagined that?

_Thum. _

No. It took a moment as the relief reached the prince's awareness. Then he let out a long breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Arthur quickly checked Merlin was breathing, too, only to be filled with relief again.

The idiot was alive.

_The sorcerer was alive_.

Arthur let go of Merlin's wrist, and put it carefully back to the ground. He swallowed and looked back to his servant's face.

Servant? Was Merlin still his servant?

No, of course not.

He couldn't be.

Of course he couldn't have a sorcerer as a servant, because that would be insane. Against every law, against every belief. And Arthur didn't know if he could even look Merlin into the eyes again, knowing that Merlin had betrayed him, practised sorcery.

It just seemed unbelievable. Completely, utterly insane. He had _known_ Merlin.

Merlin was clumsy, cheery and goofy. And what struck him the most, Merlin had also showed extreme loyalty, which in the light of the latest reveals seemed to be a screaming contradiction. Maybe it all was just a play. Maybe everything Arthur had thought he had known or seen was fake.

Maybe Merlin was fake. Completely.

What if he had nothing real in him? Arthur looked down at the unmoving form on the ground.

Merlin didn't seem different.

Arthur swallowed. Why was he still here? Why was still here, watching over a stupid...liar? Stupid, unconscious liar. Stupid, possibly weak and hurt liar.

Arthur shook his head, and felt frustration rise. It was aimed to himself.

It would be easy to finish Merlin now, a quick thought whispered into his mind. But instantly, Arthur felt a sting of disgust.

He wouldn't do that - not in any case. First, it was against the knight's code to strike a man while he was down. And two, it was Merlin. And three, Arthur didn't feel hate.

He was numb. He was so shocked, so betrayed. And so damn worried.

Worried. Worried over Merlin, even after everything.

Why wasn't he able to feel hatred? It would be so easy. He could be cold and careless.

But no. Here he sat, alone and worried, not having the slightest idea what he should do.

The prince cursed under his breath, sharp emotions stinging him.

A sudden sound of footsteps alerted Arthur from his haze and he looked up. Someone was running. Arthur searched for his sword, but realized it wasn't there.

But before he had time to do anything, he saw a familiar cloak between the trees.

Lancelot.

Arthur let out a small breath of relief.

He waited. Lancelot slowed down just before he reached them, and walked the last few metres, studying Arthur's face. Finally, they were able to see each other.

Lancelot looked exhausted, and he turned his glance to Merlin. His face twisted and he shifted his glance back to the prince. -Is he...

-He's alive." Arthur said, almost startled by his own voice. It sounded so unfamiliar.

Hollow. Empty. Emotionless.

_Cold._

Lancelot let out a deep sigh of relief and dropped his sword to the ground. Arthur watched as the knight tried to catch his breath, yet he clearly avoided looking the prince into the eyes.

That was when it dawned on Arthur. -You knew, didn't you?" he said, again his own voice sounding monotone and lifeless.

Lancelot looked up and guilt flashed in his eyes. He started to stutter an answer but Arthur just shook his head; he had gotten an reply already.

-I'm sorry, Sire." the knight said humbly, even if he didn't sound regretful.

There was a bitter silence.

-How long?" Arthur asked. He felt like he had just turned into a statue. Frozen, untouchable. His emotions had been drained away.

-How long I knew?" Lancelot asked. He hung his head. - I...I found out accidentally when I was in Camelot for the first time."

Arthur just stared into nothingness, somewhere towards the dark woods.

-Six years?" he confirmed, hollow.

Lancelot nodded and swallowed. -Yes."

An owl let out a sound somewhere in the distance. Leaves moved silently in the trees.

-Did you know he was dying?" the prince asked.

-I did. I took care of him during the hunt." Lancelot said, voice tensed.

Arthur nodded, eyes bleary, transfixed. -Who else knows?"

Lancelot was quiet for a while. -Me. And Gaius. But since he was born with magic, also his mother knows."

Arthur let out an empty chuckle. -So you believe that, don't you?"

Lancelot sounded confused. -Of course...Sire, I'm truly sorry for this cause of the events, but...Merlin is the most loyal person I have ever met. He has been protecting you all these years. If he was evil, he would have taken over Camelot already. I'm sure he would have gotten several opportunities to cause harm, but he's Merlin. He would die for you." Lancelot said, voice filled with emotions.

A small moment passed. Then the knight sighed. -Merlin will survive this. Gaius said that if that sorcerer who stole his magic, was killed, then it would return Merlin's powers and he would recover."

Tensed silence lingered.

The prince stared blindly into the forest, unmoving. The blue fog made slow circles in the clearing. The night was getting chilly and their breathing had started to turn to faint smoke.

Small drops of water landed on the ground.

-What are you going to do, Sire?" Lancelot whispered.

Arthur didn't answer.

It started to rain.

* * *

><p>Merlin's head was throbbing and everything was spinning rather unpleasantly.<p>

He had to think hard where he was and what had happened, until slowly memories started to flood back.

His powers were stolen. The knights, him, and Arthur had gone after the sorcerer. Then he had suffered all that pain - he remembered it, it was so painful to ride, to walk, to do anything.

Then, his memories started to get blurry. There were flashes here and there - he remembered telling Lancelot something and then falling to the ground. And then it was dark. Blue and cold. And then...Arthur.

Arthur?

Had he been dreaming?

Merlin could remember the overwhelming pain, like there had been million knives stuck inside of him: carving their way into his insides, every breath twisting them in a sickening way. Breathing had hurt, moving had hurt. Everything had hurt.

Like every muscle in his body would have been about to snap in two.

Merlin winced for that. He tried to clear his own thoughts and soon, he realized the pain was gone. Sure, he felt nauseous and unwell but it wasn't even close to that kind of pain he had experienced earlier.

Surely, it could mean only one thing: he was alive.

He was alive. Arthur had been with him. Lancelot had...had gone after the sorcerer? Yes, he remembered that. Arthur had been with him. They had talked.

Lancelot had lied that he had been poisoned.

Suddenly it all came back in a rush. Messy bits from conversation started to replay in his head.

_-You had to get into trouble, didn't you?" _

_-N-no. I'm so-sorry that I lied to you..." _

_-You're not making any sense. You shouldn't talk..."_

_-I'm not p-poisoned." _

_-What?"_

_-I'm...d-dying." _

_-M-y lifeforce...is m-magic."_

Merlin flinched and air got stuck into his throat. For a moment, he had no air to breathe and he started to cough uncontrollably.

Arthur knew.

ARTHUR KNEW.

Someone called his name from a distance, as Merlin tried to control his own panic. He had told Arthur the truth.

_-It...it's a part of m-me...Like a soul. I will d-die without it." _

_-I...I don't know...I don't know anything. Just - I can't deal with this right now. Just tell me how can I return it. If I want to be angry with you, I need you to stay alive._

Merlin remembered now everything. His memories were blurry and clouded with pain, but he remembered. He remembered Arthur's shocked and hurt face, as he had told the truth.

Arthur had looked so...vulnerable.

So betrayed.

Merlin felt instantly guilt and anxiety flood at him, almost drowning him. His eyes snapped open and the movement instantly sent his world spinning harder. Merlin had to blink several times and felt incredibly nauseous for the light that seemed to stung his eyes - it was too bright.

He coughed few times and tried to adjust his eyes and himself to the world he was waking up to.

Finally, his eyesight started to clear up. First thing he saw was trees. Green trees, somewhere high above him.

Merlin gasped. It was sunny - it was clearly the morning sun that shone through the trees. He tried hard to understand why on Earth it was morning when he was absolutely sure it had been barely the twilight time when they had fought the sorcerer with Lancelot.

-Merlin?" a familiar voice called, worriedly.

Merlin blinked and turned his head towards the sound. Lancelot. A worried and tired-looking knight sat next to him, his face hovering above him.

Merlin tried to catch his voice, but all he got out was a hoarse moan. He inhaled and blinked.

-Merlin? How are you feeling?" the knight asked, gently.

Merlin groaned and lifted his slightly shaking hand to this forehead. For a moment, he gathered his own voice.

-Fn." He coughed. -I'm...fine." he managed to say and swallowed.

Lancelot nodded and let out a small smile. -You were out quite a time. You worried us."

_Us?_

Merlin's brows furrowed. He turned his head to his right, only to see Arthur turning his head away on the same second, standing next to his horse. Suddenly a lump formed to Merlin's throat.

He turned back to Lancelot. -Where are the others?" Merlin asked, quietly.

Lancelot sighed. -They were here during the night. They don't know what exactly happened, and they realized it was better not to ask right now. Arthur's been...quiet. He send the other knights to Camelot, and said the rest of us will catch up."

Merlin nodded and suddenly found his breathing going erratic.

Lancelot smiled faintly. -I'm happy that you're alright." he said, and Merlin nodded, unable to return the smile. Instead, he turned his head towards the prince, watching as Arthur tied his sword and few other things to the saddle.

Merlin swallowed and closed his eyes briefly. _Does he hate me?_

The prince was busy, or at least seemed so. He didn't look at their direction, but Merlin knew him too well; Arthur was listening and watching.

Merlin let out a breath and struggled to sit.

-Merlin, you shouldn't..."

A disgusting wave of dizziness washed over Merlin as he sat up, and he had to grab Lancelot's arm to stay up, closing his eyes tightly, waiting for the nausea to pass.

After a moment, it did. Slowly, the world stopped spinning and his ears stopped ringing. Merlin tried to breath in and out calmly. His head was still throbbing, and he could feel how his magic was still settling.

But right now, it didn't matter.

Lancelot forced him to drink and eat something, and after a moment, Merlin felt a lot better.

Actually, he felt rather normal.

Well, maybe the fact that the prince was avoiding them, gathering firewood, packing things and wandering around, disturbed him.

Merlin felt a continuous burn of guilt inside of him. Lancelot had fallen silent - the whole clearing had fallen silent. No matter how sunny it was, the silence was eerie.

After an hour of uncomfortable and brooding silence, Arthur finally talked.

-Sir Lancelot, would you fill up the water bottles for the trip back home? There's a small stream nearby." he said, sounding oddly emotionless. His voice was filled with authority and cold efficiency.

Merlin shivered. Suddenly he started to feel how a hint of despair started to crawl towards him.

This was it.

-Of course, Sire."

Lancelot stood up and shot a worried glance at Merlin, but left the clearing quietly, glancing back few times.

There was a small silence.

Merlin stood up carefully.

Arthur was still packing the horse's saddlebag, and didn't make a move. Merlin hesitated.

Slowly, he took small, heavy steps towards the prince. Arthur stiffened.

Merlin froze.

He felt so ashamed, like a small child caught up doing something bad. But this was so much worse. Merlin had to swallow few times, and hung his head. Arthur didn't want him to go near. There were about five metres between them, but the line seemed to be drawn here. Merlin knew he wasn't allowed to go closer. Surely Arthur wasn't afraid...afraid of him? No, because it would be ridiculous...

_He is disgusted. And disturbed._ _He doesn't see a servant, he sees an enemy. Someone his father would burn._

There was a heavy silence in the clearing.

Merlin tried to find something to say. _I'm sorry? _No. That wouldn't cut it, not in any way.

Should he try to explain everything, starting from the events with Mary Collins? He could tell about the Griffin, Edwin, Morgana, Kilgarrah...

But Merlin found no strength to talk.

He knew Arthur was hurt and felt betrayed. There was nothing that would make it better, nothing he could say to mend it. It was all in Arthur's hands now.

-Arthur..." Merlin whispered and the prince flinched.

Merlin had to blink several times as his eyes started to burn. He felt hurt by the prince's reaction. _I'm not a monster._

_But he thinks I am._

Silent despair started to take over. He felt like he had no right to talk to Arthur, no right to be here. No right to even ask Arthur's forgiveness.

They didn't look at each other.

There was a long silence.

Merlin forced himself to talk. Air flowed heavily in, and his voice was unsteady. -What are you going to do?"

Arthur lifted his head up, shoulders tensed. After a moment, the prince suddenly shifted his right arm, reached the hilt of his sword and unsheathed it. Then he turned to Merlin.

Merlin flinched and gasped, but he didn't move from his spot. Agony and slight fear washed over him. The prince took few steps forward, and then stopped.

Merlin was almost too afraid to look up and meet his eyes, but slowly, he did.

Their eyes met.

Arthur's blue eyes were harsh and oddly empty. Merlin felt a cold sting in his heart. The prince's reflected a flash of the sun into his face, like a threat.

Arthur tilted his head and he looked so unfamiliar...Standing there with a sword in his hand, silvery metal shining in the sunlight. For the first time in his life, Merlin really saw Arthur from an enemy's point of a view. Arthur was strong, trained and skilled. He looked...indeed frightening this way. He was a warrior, clearly a leader, and the best swordsman in the land. Now Merlin really understood why Camelot's enemies respected and feared the crown prince so much.

The prince eyed him, and then finally talked. -What are _you _going to do?" he asked, mirroring Merlin's question.

Merlin stared at the prince, confused. He shifted his glance between the prince and the sword. He just shook his head sadly. He fought back tears.

-I won't do anything." Merlin answered, voice unsteady. He blinked. -But if you want to do this, to kill me, I won't stop you." he said, almost whispering.

Some strange emotion crossed the prince's face. - You won't do anything?" he said, a hint of surprise in his voice.

Merlin shook his head. -No." He had to blink furiously to stop the tears forming. Arthur lifted his chin.

He looked emotionless. Cold. So unfamiliar.

-But you can fight back. You have magic." the prince said slowly, like playing with him.

Merlin sighed. -Yes, that's true. But I won't fight back. Not against you. I have only used my magic to protect you." Even to his own ears, the words sounded like lies. Even if they were true and spoken from the heart.

Arthur studied his face. -Prove it."

Merlin shot his glance up, flinching. -What?" he hissed.

Arthur lifted his chin higher. -Prove it. Prove that you have magic." the prince said, voice low.

Merlin looked at him, confused. Arthur just tilted his head, clearly waiting.

For a moment, Merlin wondered if the prince was serious. But then, when nothing happened, he decided that it would best to do as Arthur said. He kept his eyes on the prince and didn't even need a spell as his eyes flashed gold. Arthur gasped mutely as their eyes were locked, blue and gold.

All of the things in their small camp rose up into the air, floating around them. Merlin's eyes turned back to blue and Arthur watched him, clearly struck by the sight. Arthur broke their eye contact and looked around the floating objects, face filled with slight shock and mild disgust.

Merlin sighed. He hated that look. He hated it; it was the one Arthur had worn every time they had encountered strong magic. Arthur was clearly struggling with his emotions. After a moment, his face hardened into a mask and he looked back at Merlin. -Stop."

The objects fell back to the ground instantly. _Thud, thud, thud._

Merlin's heart thundered against his ribcage. He studied Arthur carefully. The prince scanned him from head to toes, like it was hard to believe what he had just done. Merlin's heart ached.

Something was broken between them. It was a quick realization, but a poignant one.

Arthur swallowed and his eyes were sharp. -Have you used your magic on me?" he asked, voice low. Merlin gasped. -Of course not!" he said, almost insulted. He had to blink several times. Then he looked at Arthur in the eyes, and for a moment, he was quiet.

-I would never do anything to harm you." he said. -If I have used my magic around you, its purpose has been to save you or protect you. But I have never used it directly on _you_."

Merlin scanned his memories: yes, he was right. He had moved things around Arthur, done some spells and things like that, but never had used his magic on the prince himself. That would be an odd thought, it hadn't even crossed his mind. Well, not in the bad way anyway, of course he had wanted to pull some pranks on the prat, but...

Merlin cut his own thoughts off. Arthur watched him, like trying to decide whether he would believe him or not. The tension could have been cut with a knife. Arthur was still holding the sword in mid-air. The light rustle of the leaves was the only sound in the clearing.

-Arthur..." Merlin started. -You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you, I really tr-..."

-Why didn't you?" Arthur said interrupting, with a bitter and cold voice.

Merlin blinked and guilt strangled him again. The prince's piercing eyes seemed to burn holes into his soul.

-I..."

-You didn't trust me enough? You were afraid I would turn you in? Sure, I understand that." Arthur said, but his voice was mocking.

Merlin looked up, wide-eyed.

Arthur shook his head, bitter. -You didn't trust me, Merlin. And you still don't trust me. A moment ago when I drew my sword, you were certain that I'd run you through. You almost backed away from me. Then you gave me a permission to kill you, without fighting back." the prince said, voice too controlled.

Merlin was unable to answer.

Then Arthur snapped. -What do you give me for? You don't seem to have the slightest trust on me. First of all, you have magic. I can't name even one reason for you to come to Camelot, unless you're suicidal. And secondly, you end up being the manservant for the future king. And what do you do? You lie for six years,_ six years_, Merlin, about yourself. And what happens when you are attacked and losing your lifeforce, dying, for God's sakes?  
>You don't tell me. You tell Lancelot and you both pretend that nothing is wrong. What would you have done, Merlin, if I had decided that we wouldn't go on this hunt? Would you have just waited before you were too weak and collapsed to floor in my chambers?"<p>

Merlin blinked hard, but now the tears formed. His heart ached for every word, he was almost left breathless.

Arthur shook his head and continued: -About one thing I'm certain, even in this point - you wouldn't have told me. I'm not completely oblivious and stupid Merlin, I always knew you kept things from me and hid something. I did wonder the impressive luck we had with falling branches and sudden fires flaming up and arrows that fell to the ground from mid-air. I always sensed there was something more in you. "

The prince shook his head. -But never this. Never magic." he hissed, making the last word sound like an insult, which just might be true.

-You never told me, Merlin. Only in the moment you were certain that you would die and you were barely conscious, you decided to spit it out?" the prince said darkly, sounding both incredulous and hurt.

First tear broke free from Merlin. Every word seemed to cut him like razors. Merlin bit his lip hard and he dropped his gaze to the ground, feeling ashamed and guilty.

Arthur suddenly lowered his sword and thrusted it to the ground. It got stuck to the grass and swung a bit in its place for a moment.

-It _insults_ me that you don't trust me at all. You asked me what am I going to do? Why should I do anything! Why should I do or say anything, because there is nothing to say or to do.  
>No, I won't kill you. No, I won't turn you in. No, I won't execute you.<br>So if that was what you asked, there was the answer." Arthur said, his voice hollow.

Merlin couldn't stop the tears from pouring, and he felt so ashamed. He realized he had hurt Arthur even more he had imagined._ You weren't angry for lying to you...You were angry for not trusting you._

Merlin hadn't ever thought it about that way. The thought was strange. -Arthur..." he breathed out, unsteadily.

-No, save it. I don't want to hear it." the prince said sharply.

Merlin looked up, teary-eyed, and felt despair taking over. Arthur stared at him with a harsh look. Merlin realized he had lost the prince, lost their connection.

He had hurt Arthur too badly. Their friendship or whatever it had been, had snapped in two. It was broken, like it had never been there at all.

A small shadow flashed in the prince's face and he looked away. -You can keep the horse. There's some food and water in the saddlebags. I suppose you don't need a sword." he said, and he sounded bitter again. Merlin tried to hold his emotions back. His heart was aching and poignant sorrow, shame and agony was gripping him.

-What are you trying to say?" Merlin whispered.

Arthur didn't look at him. -That you have everything you need to go where ever you want to."

Merlin swallowed and let out a sob, his vision blurring for the hot tears. -You're exiling me?" he stuttered.

A mask had fallen over the prince's features. Arthur bit his lip. -I wouldn't use that word. But I would put it this way: I highly recommend that you avoid returning to Camelot."

Merlin gasped sharply and was sure he could hear how his own heart broke a bit.

-As in forever?" he asked, voice shaking.

Arthur closed his eyes briefly. There was a long silence. Merlin just nodded and looked away, trying to keep himself together. The forest blurred into a green mess in his teary eyes.

-As in for now." Arthur said quietly.

Merlin looked back to the prince, hesitating. Small hope sparkled in his chest. _As in for now..__  
><em>

There was a long silence again, only the wind making a soft sound.

Arthur eyed him, hesitating.

-Will you be able to keep yourself alive?" he asked, sounding much more fragile than before.

Merlin looked up, flinched, and then nodded. He was too shaken to speak or even look at the prince into the eyes. Arthur was still worried. Worried about him.

_I don't deserve your worry...Not after everything.  
><em>

Merlin remembered that he had given quite a scare to the prince the previous night. He felt guilty for that, too. Merlin fought the urge to fall into the ground, strengthless, and just give in to it all. But bravely, he stood his ground, forced the tears back and bit his lip.

Lancelot's steps broke the silence.

The next moments passed quickly.

Lancelot clearly studied the situation, glancing at the sword sticking out of the ground and the objects that had changed their places in the camp. But without a word, he gathered them all and packed them. He took the sword from the ground and put it back to the sheath.

Merlin stood there quietly, the light breeze moving his hair and drying his tears.

Arthur ordered Lancelot to get on his horse and get ready to leave. Lancelot was clearly about to protest, but kept quiet anyway. The knight glanced worryingly at Merlin, and then to the prince. Merlin looked up sadly and shook his head. Lancelot sighed, and nodded reluctantly. He wouldn't interfere.

Arthur got up on his horse, too, and for a moment he turned towards the lonely wizard in the middle of the clearing. Merlin shifted his glance and their eyes locked. Arthur's face was unreadable, but his eyes were full of emotion. Merlin wanted to say million things to him, to tell the prince everything, but he kept quiet. No words were said, no goodbyes.

If these were goodbyes.

Merlin wasn't sure.

Then the small moment was over, the prince and the knight rode forward, leaving Merlin alone. He stared the spot where Arthur had just been.

_-As in for now."_

Merlin looked up to the sun and brushed his tears away.

_-As in for now."_


End file.
